


where do we go now?

by marauder01



Series: a modern wizarding world [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Heartbreak, Indian Harry Potter, Love, M/M, One Shot, Post-First War with Voldemort, Reconciliation, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 18:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14753820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marauder01/pseuds/marauder01
Summary: The war is over, at least, as long as Society is concerned. For Remus and Sirius it's a different story. Both lost and alone, they've been left in pieces- James, Lily, Harri, Mary and Marlene, even the Prewett twins' were gone, claimed by a war they were too young to fight in.Sirius is dragged to Azkaban without a trial, something Dumbledore says doesn't add up and Remus realises that maybe it was the secrets that had dragged them apart, not the fact that Sirius was the spy in the order. Or, so Remus had thought.Watch as Sirius and Remus fight for each other one last time, deciding to give it a year, a year of trust and love and healing, or give it up- forever and to never speak again. After all there are no marauders to hold them together.





	where do we go now?

Cursing the fucking shitty weather as it pours down, thunder crashing ominously in the sky above, Sirius Orion Black stalks the two cloaked figures in front of him. The end is close, so close he can practically feel it, but both sides of the war are so corrupt and vicious, Sirius isn't sure who's winning anymore. For sixth months now he'd been lost, so lost and angry, and without Remus the only thing stopping him from becoming another one of  _those_  Blacks' was Harri, the sweet, giggling green-eyed baby who was always happy to see his 'Unca Pafoo', who didn't look at him with worry or worse pity, who didn't try and suggest he talk to Remus, or whisper about him when they thought he couldn't hear him. 

Sirius shook his head to dispel the thoughts, running a hand through his soaked hair, and growling under his breath he advanced, listening to the conversation between the two suspected Death Eater's ahead of him. He cursed Moody, and his stupid ruddy paranoia. That was, until he heard what they were saying, "It's tonight, oh I can't wait" the first said with glee, followed by "Once and for all, tonight will show the filth of this world what happens when you defy the Dark Lord!" from the second.

Sirius' heart leapt with fear as he listened, _"Oh yes, but I confess sister, I did not expect the Worm to be as useful as he's been, I mean really, giving up his friends like that, nothing I'd expected from a pathetic little Gryffindor."_

Heart racing, Sirius' blood ran cold as the words  _'giving up his friends?' 'the worm?'_ , ran circles around his mind, what was the wanker taking about? As if hearing his thoughts, the female Death Eater in front of Sirius cackled high and shrill, cocking her head to the side as she said, "Oh yes, little Peter giving up the Potter's like that was quite a shock, wouldn't you agree Sirius?"

Sirius felt horror wash over him as he heard the words and saw Alecto Carrow craning her neck to smirk at him, her brother appearing at his throat, seemingly from nowhere. With barely a second to think, Sirius was thrown against a wall, pain radiating through his skull, every bone in his body feeling shattered. All he could think was  _'not Harry, not Harry too. Please not Harry, not Harry like my Remus'_  over, and over again. Heart beating frantically Sirius threw every curse he knew at both figures advancing on him, unable to get away but every cell in his body urging him to get out of here, to leave _NOW_. But he couldn't apparate, couldn't even activate his emergency portkey- Sirius dimly realised that anti-travel wards must be up through his panicked haze.  

Fighting with everything he had, wearing down each twin one at a time, Sirius cried out in frustration and pain when a stray curse hit his shoulder and he was knocked back with the force of it as blood started running down his shoulder. Gritting his teeth, heart beating a million beats a minute, Sirius forced himself to move, to stand straight , focusing all his energy on the rage, betrayal and complete _agony_ of his godson being in danger and before Alecto could even snarl, Sirius cast the most powerful killing curse in history, this entire wand glowing green before the spell shattered everything single protection the Death eater had thrown around herself and drove through its target, gouging out a foot-wide hole in her body. Her brother howled in grief and fell to his knees beside his sister’s body.

With Amycus distracted, Sirius used the time to cast his Patronus, not even feeling the heartbreak at seeing the shadowy wolf waiting for instructions, tears in his eyes from fear and pain as he begged _“James you have to run, you need to go now, I mean it. Take Harri and Lily, and RUN. Voldemort’s coming for you, you need to leave. Peter was the spy all along. RUN JAME--”_

Sirius screamed out in pain as he was thrown across the concrete city, mid speech, dimly aware that Amycus had gotten up. Tear now streaming down his face, all Sirius could think as he sent his patronus off was, “ _Please, please, not Harry, please get there in time, I can’t survive this alone.”_

Still unable to apparate, Sirius silently begged to every god, deity and shaman he’d ever heard of, and scrambled to his feet, rolling out of Amycus’ line of fire. Desperately trying to catch his breath, Sirius then leapt around the corner firing curses left, right and centre, bombarding his weak opponent. Head pounding, hands shaking and body almost falling apart from the curse in his shoulder, Sirius cast the one curse he swore he’d never cast again, shouting “SECTUMSEMPRA”, panting as the force of the spell ripped through Amycus, tearing his skin to shreds.

Not even turning back Sirius began to run, transforming into Padfoot and sprinting as fast as he could, legs burning, and throat scorched with dehydration towards the inn he’d originally came to four days ago. Fear and heartbreak propelled him onwards, his heart breaking as Lily’s doe appeared in front of him, the patronus speaking in her voice as it said, “We love you Sirius, you’ve given us time. Find Remus you’ll need him,”

Tears wracked his body as he transformed to a wizard again, apparating to Godric’s Hollow as soon as he caught sight of the inn, having run over 15 miles in bare minutes.  

And then he conjured another Patronus as he leapt through the sleepy town, "The spy was Pettigrew, the Potters are being attacked NOW, please Moody there are wards against me I can’t travel, you were rig-”

And then his voice broke off as he saw the Potter Cottage, howling in raw terror, Sirius burst through the front of the house, and met the sight of his best friend, lying dead on the ground, eyes glassy and unmoving. Agony like he’d NEVER felt before rippled through his body as he fell to his knees and sobbed over his brother. Still shuddering and sobbing Sirius forced himself up the stairs, forcing himself to leave his brother behind.

And then he found Lily at the foot of an empty cradle, her skin torn into ribbons and Harry nowhere in sight. A scream tore its way through his throats as Sirius collapsed beside his Lily-flower, the girl he’d promised his brother he’d always protect. Blood was still seeping from her wounds, and ran through Sirius’ robes, soaking him, as he closed her green eyes once and for all, tears streaming down his face as he looked up at the sky, through the gaping gash in the ceiling that he realised, that was the curse that had so completely destroyed his little Harry, his sweet godson.

* * *

The next morning Remus fell backwards, tears streaming down his face as Minerva's words droned on, unheard. Peter, James, Lily, even baby Harri, all of them gone. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d spoken to his family in person- Albus had dragged him away for so many months, so many months of getting nowhere. And now they were gone, forever. 

Agony burst through Remus' veins, as if feeling the physical loss of his pack and being all the weaker for it. Voice cracked and broken all he could say was, " _How ... how_   _was the fidelus broken?”_

Minerva closed her eyes, a single tear sliding down her own check as she said, “A fidelus cannot be broken; the secret can only be told be the secret keeper.”

Remus shook his head, face aghast as he stumbled even further backwards, knocking into the wall behind him, the frame of a photo of him and James and Peter and Remus, digging into his shoulder , “No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! Please ... tell me it isn’t true, tell me he didn't.”

But Sirius had, and it was true. So, Minerva said nothing, and instead summoned two glasses of fire-whiskey, handing one to Remus silently. Remus just looked at it, unable to move, unable to do anything but mourn.

His family were all dead, or as good as.

* * *

 A month later, or maybe two, Remus found himself dredging through the hallways of the Ministry of Magic. It was one of the first times he’d left his house since _that_ night. Minerva had appeared on the front door of his mother's cottage a week ago to tell him that now, because of his position in the war as a werewolf, a dangerous werewolf, who infiltrated You-Know-Who's ranks so deeply, he was to be forced to change on full moons in a cage hundred of metres below the ground, in a,  ~~cage~~ , cell lined with silver. Minerva's voice had taught and furious but there was nothing she could do, except play messenger so Remus wasn't sent to Azkaban.   

Forcing himself to move forward, to ignore the trembling beneath his skin, Remus stuck to the edges of the darkened corridors, determined not to be recognised. Unbeknownst to him, a conversation was happening mere metres away, a conversation that would once more change his life. But Remus did not listen to it, did not listen the hushed tones of Moody's voice as the wizard said,   _“Albus, old man, you need to listen to me.”_

He did not listen as Albus Dumbledore replied with,  _“Alastor, you’ve been my friend for many years and I’ve always trusted you, but the evidence is overwhelming. Even Black’s wand matched up with the curse that ended their lives.”_

And worse than that, Remus Lupin did not realise that Moody had intended for him to hear the conversation because he didn't listen as Alastor growled _, “I don’t ruddy believe it, two months  Black's been rotting in Azkaban and he didn't get a trial. Something doesn't feel right, his patronus begged me to save the Potters, you think he cast the killing curse on his best friend? Him and Potter were thick as thieves, tell me otherwise.”_

If he was listening, or better seeing, Remus would've noticed a narrowing on Dumbledore's face that would've sent lines of suspicion shooting through him, and he would've heard Dumbledore sigh and say, " _Sirius was the only one who could expose where the Potter's were hiding and whilst I agree that it is not just that there was no trial, Alastor, don't you think it's better to let the wizarding world move on?"_

But Remus wasn't listening, not really, and so he didn't realise that the love of his life was slowly losing himself in a prison that he didn't even deserve to be in, just as he himself was entering a prison cell, one sure to strip away even more of himself than the war already had.

Hours later, when Remus awoke full of real, physical pain, all he could think of was the pain, all he could see, hear, smell, was the agony. And yet it woke him up. The fog that clouded his mind faded to a faint blur, the buzzing that deafened him faded to a faint murmur. For the first time in weeks, Remus felt ... alive. It was torment to even think yes, but Remus could breathe without feeling like he was doing it because he had to. Or maybe in spite of the fact that he had to. All Remus could think was that he hadn't even visited James' grave, or Lily's, or oh merlin, _Harri's._ There was a gaping hole in his chest, a pit of agony and guilt, that was as real as the pain that rippled though every fibre of his being from the transformation. As Remus thought, thought real thoughts instead of the murky haze of the past two months, the sun rose higher and higher in the sky and Minerva made her way to the Ministry Magic, determined to get Remus somewhere safe, by force if necessary. She had not allowed herself to tremble, not allowed herself to think for a minute about how the one person who knew exactly how to help Remus was the reason he was in so much pain, and instead focused on making sure Remus had somewhere safe to recover, making sure he knew that he still had people to live for. 

* * *

Hundreds of miles away another broken man was also locked in a cage. Sirius shuddered as the full moon fell from view, just beyond the bars of his cage. Shaking as he fell to his knees, Sirius bowed his head and let the tears fell, not caring that they'd attract the dementors, not caring that this would help nothing. This was the second full moon that Sirius had forced himself to stand under, for as long as it was in sight, and he knew it was far from the last. He knew he deserved its and so much more, and so he bore the agony that rippled through him,  allowing it to consume him. Head bent and tears falling, Sirius closed his eyes against the barrel of thoughts that raced through his head, selfishly trying to ignore how this was his fault, how the pain he felt was nothing compared to what his Moony must be feeling, how he'd abandoned Remus months ago thinking him the spy and that the new scars which would litter Remus' body were all Sirius' fault. He'd never even have the chance to apologise for them. 

Not that Remus would ever want to listen to him again. He probably, along with the rest of the world, thought Sirius was Voldemort's right-hand man, and Sirius supposed miserably, he might as well be. Harri and James and Lily were gone, and it was all because he'd practically thrown the traitor at them. 

If only he’d trusted his Remus, if only he hadn’t listened to the stupid rat!

Every sly comment from Peter about the weeks Remus went missing, about how when Remus came back there was always another leak of information. They’d all done work they wouldn’t, couldn’t talk about, all of them, so why had he wanted to blame Remus so badly? And deep in his heart Sirius knew the answer, knew it was the same reason he'd made Peter swap with him for secret keeper. So, he would never leave this prison, he would never repay his crimes and he would deserve these nights of torture for the rest of his life. He was guilty, even if not of the charges he was locked up for. 

Day and night, for weeks on end, the dementors came for him. Sirius dreamt of his six year old self, being beaten by his mother, because she loved him, because she wanted him to be better- or at least that's what he'd believed when he was an innocent child. Sirius saw of the moment Regulus had told him he'd taken the dark mark, of the fear and pride on his little brother's face as he broke Sirius' nose.  Sirius dreamt of betraying Moony in 5th year, of telling Snape how to get past the whomping willow, he dreamt of betraying his Moony again, of leaving him in the middle of the night, leaving behind nothing but a single photo, of what they once had been to one another. Day after day Sirius saw the dead bodies of his brother and sister, James and Lily, and his beautiful innocent godson, his Harry, who had been killed because of him. 

The dementors attacked him mercilessly, revelling in his despair, in the way his mind tried to collapse, but the way his spirit forced himself to endure the pain. Bellatrix cackled with glee at the sound of her cousins suffering, cackled as the dementors leached every memory of joy Sirius ever had, one day at a time. One month in Azkaban turned to two, two to three, The full moons came and went and still Sirius forced himself to stay awake through the night. To embrace the pain he so deserved. On some nights he was weak and turned into Padfoot, on others he returned to the shell he was becoming. One thing was clear though, Askaban left no survivors. 

 


End file.
